THE RULES – The Way of the Skier

With acknowledgements to The Rules – The Way of the Cycling Disciple

Ski pants come in three sizes. Too baggy, too tight and just right. It is your duty to ensure you only ever wear the latter.
The reasons are mainly sartorial, for skiing has finally emerged from the Dark Ages that were represented by pastel one-pieces, oversized sunglasses and Zapata moustaches (and that was just the women) and it your duty as a skier to ensure you CUT A DASH at all times and represent our noble sport with style and elegance.
If your pants are too baggy you are in grave danger of being mistaken for a snowboarder, a teenager or, heaven forfend, both.
It is also quite possible that if your ski pants are too baggy they will hang around the same latitude as the crack of your arse. This is something that no-one, not even your mother or girlfriend/boyfriend, should ever have to witness, even less some innocent member of the public who may never fully recover from such an incident.
Don’t do it.
If your ski pants are too tight you will look like Jean-Claude Killy circa 1968. There are three reasons to avoid this.
First, M. Killy won Olympic gold medals and suchlike for his skiing ability, whilst wearing tight ski pants. You haven’t and never will.
Second, M. Killy was perhaps the only skier ever to look hip in tight ski pants (maybe it had something to do with being French). You don’t and you never will.
And finally, tight ski pants restrict your movement when hucking off those cliffs and kickers…
It is thus clear that your ski pants must be loose but not too loose. You’ll know when you’ve hit upon the right pair; you’ll feel effortlessly cool, your skiing will as a result flow with more grace and style and it will all work just so.
There is of course the little matter of your choice of colour for your hip new ski pants, for which refer to Rule #3.


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