Yesterday was a ‘five-star’ day on the Severn Bore, meaning the biggest and longest wave(s) of the year would be beetling up said river thanks to the larger tides of the equinoctial period.

These days such things attract hordes of ‘surfers’ for the bore is no longer the bizarre surf experience it once was - as you can tell from the newspaper pics of literally dozens of people riding it.

Loads of longboards, crockfuls of canoes and kayaks, barrel loads of boogie boards – and a positive rash of ‘surfers’ who couldn’t or weren’t prepared to stand up on their boards.

So many people were on the bore that there wasn’t room for everyone, and whilst I’m not suggesting that those who can’t or won’t stand up and surf properly shouldn’t be allowed to surf it, perhaps real surfers should be given priority and allowed the first wave of the bore, and all the pseudo-surfers could take the next one.

Why? Well, apart from the understandable contempt of proper surfers for all those inferior breeds who choose not to stand up and be counted, there’s the practical fact that maneouvering whilst standing on a board is harder and more likely to result in a wipeout than when you’re sitting or lying down, so those who surf properly should get priority for having taken the time and effort to master the harder activity.

Of course there’s not a hope in hell that this will ever happen and the wannabe surfers who probably come here in coaches on organised trips (not having the nouse to work out things like tides and access points themselves) will continue to clog up the bore in years to come.

Just like they do on real waves in the summer…



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