And so this weekend the powers that be plunge us into darkness once again – yes, the clocks go back on Sunday. I’ve yet to meet anyone who can see one iota of common sense behind this ludicrous annual ritual.

I believe it’s actually forced upon the rest of the country by the Scots, whose cattle can’t see to get themselves milked and whose children would be crushed to death by pantechnicons hurtling through the darkened streets of a morning were we to stick to British Summer Time.

So let’s hope our friends in the north vote a resounding ‘Yes!’ for Scottish independence at the forthcoming referendum. For if the Scots do vote to free themselves of the yoke of English colonialism it will presumably mean the Westminster government can forget about upsetting them by not putting the clocks back every October and the rest of us can stick with BST, thus giving us a valuable extra hour of daylight on winter evenings as opposed to a completely useless early dawn when any sane individual will be slumbering peacefully beneath their winter duvet.

Talking of the Scottish refernddum I think most people south of the border regard the whole thing with utter indifference – that’s if they’re not actually in favour of it since it will give the Scots no more excuses for their three centuries of moaning and griping about the bloody English (to bastardise an old joke, how do you know when a plane from Glasgow has landed at Heathrow? The whining continues after the engines are turned off…).



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